This year has not been my favorite. It's had some pretty awesome moments, but lately, things have kind of sucked. I really try not to share depressing thoughts, but I have been absent from the blogging world for a while, so I might as well write down why.
We thought N was going to get laid-off and though the thought terrified me beyond belief, N was delighted and planned on spending the next year or so living off his expected severance and some of the 401K (and go to school full time.) When it turned out that he was not going to be laid off, the plan didn't change. I don't really know what happened or how or why, but he is now set to resign at the end of the year. I am now in the throes of job hunting since it now falls to me to provide for my family. There is a large part of me that very much wants to provide this opportunity since he has spent the last 9 years hating his job and making those around him miserable because of it. He wants his degree and since he allowed me to get mine, he should be allowed to get his. That being said, there is still a part of me that is bitter with the thought of giving up my dream job and security. Even with a degree, there is no way I can get a job that will pay half of what he is making. Which means that I have to take our budget to a whole new level and pray that it is enough. See, bitter. And worried. Sick with worry.
If that isn't bad enough, last week my grandmother died. It was a very peaceful passing and even though it was kind of sudden, it was a relief that she passed painlessly. The funeral was a fiasco. The feud that has ensued during the past 7 or so years finally came to a head in the most inappropriate and shameful manner. I am so ashamed of people I have blood ties to and I thank God every day that I no longer have any reason to be in contact with any of them. Which is also depressing since we didn't just lose a grandmother, we lost an entire family.
In happier news, my marriage has actually gotten stronger with N finally being able to leave the evil place. It's super scary, but worth it to see the change in him. Hopefully I will find a decent paying job soon.... one with benefits at least half as good as what we have now. Plus, I will get a house-husband. No more cleaning, cooking, organizing, etc. for me! Except for laundry. I don't trust him with the laundry. Not that I mind doing all that stuff, but it will make leaving L everyday a little easier knowing that I can come home and just play with him without worrying about chores. Also, I've been reading a ton of romance novels lately. It's so sad, I know, but I'm addicted. And N definitely seems pleased with me doing so since his sex life has dramatically improved since. Perhaps I will do a book review post (one with very brief summaries... I may be comfortable telling the world that I read these books, but I'm not comfortable discussing the details.) On that note, I did read The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons. It's a love story set in and around blockaded Leningrad (WWII). Simons has an amazing gift and, I kid you not, this story will break your heart and rip apart your soul. It's part of a series and the happy ending isn't reached until the final book, but it is so worth it. And I may be in love with Alexander. Thinking about it both warms my heart and makes me cry a little. Everyone needs to read it.
Also happy: my monster is amazing. He is still a giant ball of energy, and I admit that there are some days that I just can't keep up with him. Seriously, he never stops and is so curious about everything. He also loves airplanes, which pleases my dad to no end. Every time he sees one he yells "Plane!" then immediately imitates a plane (arms out, making vroom noises, and spinning in circles.) When it is no longer in sight, he looks up and says "Where'd it go? All gone. Bye-bye!" It melts my heart every time. Grandpa is planning to take him to view the planes as they take off while he is in town and I can't wait to see L's reaction when he see's them up close!
So there you have it. My life in a nutshell. Or part of it. Now I'm off to read another sleezy romance called The Great Scot. I kid you not. I will post some pictures of the monster's cuteness once I find my SD card.
