10 Reasons Why HGTV is Evil. The new thing I'm doing

I have decided that I'm going to make a random list of 10 (+/-) things once a week. Why? Because I can. Actually I keep thinking of how much I like/dislike something and I think, "hey, I should list that on the bloggy," so I decided to give it a shot. I probably won't stick with it, but that's ok.

So...

10 Reasons Why HGTV is Evil

1. It's addicting. All I want to do is pass the time and try to get inexpensive ideas for the townhouse we're going to be putting on the market soon, and I end up watching for hours.
2. They make tasks appear much easier than they are, and the results can be disastrous. (Example: Ochibi's tile project in one of the upstairs bathrooms in the townhouse. Not exactly a disaster, but the un-doing of the tile may very well be). It'a like one of those peer-pressuring bullies who get someone (i.e. me and the chibs) to do stupid stuff.
3. I start to get ideas- big and small, but then I remember we don't have money and it makes me sad. It's almost like it's teasing me for having a set budget.
4. Again, I get ideas, but these ones are small and possible to do with little or no money, but Nick and I don't agree when it comes to decorating. So HGTV is secretly trying to destroy my marriage one painted headboard at a time.
5. Shows like House Hunters make me want to buy a house. But I can't. And I'm certain HGTV knows this and is laughing at me.
6. It makes me like my current house even more. The more I watch HGTV, the more I want to change the house I live in, but that's not possible. Again, there is laughing.
7. I spent months on the Rate My Space website looking at nurseries in order to get ideas for the Monster's. I took the things I liked from top rated nurseries and combined them to create a space so beautiful it brings tears to your eyes (and if it doesn't, I will poke you in the eye), but what score did I get when I posted the pictures on RMS? A 2.8 (out of 5). A F*cking 2.8! That room deserves at least a 4! HGTV must have told people to rate it lower just to spite me.
8. Almost every show has someone on it that I want to punch in the face- it could be the show's star, one of the homeowners (or potential homeowners), or some random crew-member. It's like they're trying to make me angry!
9. Spinning off of number8, the most annoying person on HGTV puts me into this "hate-cycle." He drives me crazy! And he is a good painter, which makes me dislike him even more because it is unfair that a person so obnoxious is so talented. He is so talented that I want him to paint something for my house. Which makes me hate myself. It all boils down to me hating Nick for getting us cable/satellite. Again, HGTV is trying to destroy my marriage.
10. HGTV constantly reminds me that I am renting and will be renting for a while. I'm generally OK with that, but I do wish we owned our own home so I can do all of the cool decorating things I've seen on HGTV (amongst other reasons). The worse part is: it likes to show beautiful things that I will never be able to do unless we win the lottery.

So thanks, HGTV. Thanks for being an assbutt*! Now off to see if Designed to Sell is on because it's totally my favorite show right now.

* "Assbutt" is courtesy of the show Supernatural. Cas is awesome and a half.

*** UPDATE *** I turned on the TV and the super annoying guy was on! Curse you HGTV. Curse you!

You Know you Need Sleep When...

1. You are pulling out diaper-ness from the washer and sorting them into their designated drying places- inserts to dryer, shells onto chair which will be pushed to kitchen for the hanging (hang diapers, not chair... and yes, I am too lazy to carry them)- and discover that you have pulled out all of the shells and there are a lot less than expected, which can only mean that we hadn't run out of diapers and the panicked washing of diapers and staying up late was for not. Then, as you turn to put the rest of the inserts in the dryer, you realize that half of the shells have been thrown in there instead of on the chair. Some people do put their shells in the dryer, I do not and will not unless I'm possessed by my inner sleepy zombie (see previous post.)
2. You agonize over your usage of "for not" because you are certain that it cannot be right, so you google it, discover that is should be "for nought" and end up getting caught up in some random person's essay/article on Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. Damn you inner medievalist!
3. You are too lazy to correct "for not," but not lazy enough to not write about how lazy you are.

Going to bed now. For seriously. And it's Tuesday... I'm getting my hair cut today, but I have no idea how I want it to look. Great. Off to google hairstyles.

Curses.

Mommy Fails

Yeah that's right, I fail.

Monster has diaper rash. It's what I get for bragging about how cloth diapered babies don't get diaper rash. In my defense, he had some pretty bad diarrhea (tmi you say?) and it took all of three minutes (from when I heard it leave his bottom, the walk from the living room to the nursery, and the opening of scary diaper) to go from nice baby bottom to red bottom of doom. And by doom, I mean awful pain for the innocent monster when mommy wiped his sensitive bottom with the same amount of force I always use (fail #2) and the heartbreaking scream that came from said wiping. I then put the wonderful diaper rash ointment on it and changed his diapers more often than necessary. The redness disappeared after a couple of hours, but there are still some sores.

Then I forgot to put the rash ointment in his diaper bag, so the G-Ma wasn't able to put it on him while she babysat today (fail #3.) She texted me- since I was in class- saying that she was going to use Vaseline on it, which I said was more than ok. Vaseline is not good for cloth diapers. Of course his bottom is more important than the diapers, but it makes me a little sad since I do love his diapers (not more than him). So I'm counting that as fail #4.

Fail #5- For the third time, I forgot that we have a finite number of cloth diapers, and that number is a little smaller now since I'm trying to avoid using the Fuzzibunz until Monster gets a little bigger (they're leaking because his tush is too small for the second size, but too big for the first). Monster had to wear the awful 'spozies because we ran out of both kinds of diapers.

Fail#6- I was so caught up on the Packers-Bears football game (Nicko is a Green Bay fan and I'm a fan of Clay Matthews... he's yummy) and reading two blogs I have recently discovered that I forgot I was washing diapers, so instead of going to bed at 10 with my husband, I'm up.

Fail#7- the final cycle ended while I was writing this and I didn't notice.... I could be in bed already. Lame.

Fail #8- I still haven't scheduled the Monster's six-month appointment, and I just overlooked the check-list of things they want him to be able to do about now and I have realized that he's a little behind... mainly because I don't enforce tummy-time. He worked pretty hard this afternoon and evening and I think that if I keep with it he will be where he needs to be. I hope. I know that every child is different and grows and develops at his/her own pace, but I- as I'm sure very parent does- want my child to be a super-kid who hits milestones on time, if not ahead of schedule. Of course there is also the sleepy voice in the back of my head that says "babies don't sleep well when they hit major milestones," but I'm going to continue to ignore it because that's why the gods made coffee.

Fail #9- I always misspell force.... I like to pretend that there is a "u" in it. Bad me!

Fail #10- I can't remember what other fail I was going to post because I'm so tired. When does this "mommy" think get easier? Shouldn't I have this amazing super-human mommy-sense that alerts me when my child is about to fill his diaper with a gooey mess that is going to burn his bottom so that I can just hold him over the toilet and prevent this? Or makes me remember that there is important stuff (still) in the washer that must be moved to the dryer and clothes line? Clearly there is not enough caffeine in my life. I like to be in bed around nine-thirty. That was two hours ago and I am now a zombie. Brrrainnnnssss!!!!

Oh... I remember now. I was going to pull the clothes line and put the clothes pins on it to save me time once the cycle finished. Damn it to hell! Maybe it will still be today when I go to bed.

2 Years

It seems like it was just last week that I was laying in my parents' guest room, too excited for my wedding the next day to get any sleep (and of course agonizing over the fact that not enough sleep would mean bags and dark circles under my eyes). How times flies. Throughout Hopie's wedding planning days, and even a little now, I see what other people are doing with their weddings and I start to wish I had done everything different- i.e. lose weight, get a different dress, tell my mom to shove it when she said I couldn't wear the shoes I wanted instead of cave and end up wearing shoes I hated. The list goes on. I do, however, still love my flowers, the centerpieces, our cake, my 5 million pound hairstyle, and above all the man I married. And that's really what it all comes down to. Even though there are hundreds of things, big and small, I would change about that day, I am indescribably happy about it's outcome: the piece of paper in it's beautiful frame (complete with cricket guts... they just won't come off!) that says that Nicko is mine and I am his and knowing that it will stay that way until we die. I am so lucky to have someone who loves me for me and has been a constant support and, of course, gave me this:

I really don't know what I would do without him and I look forward to the years to come.

How did we celebrate?

We had a wonderful meal at Artichoke Cafe- I ate antelope (which was amazing!) and he had scallops- went to Betty's Bath for a couples retreat- which included a hot oil scalp, hair and neck treatment, massage and a salt glow- and followed with a semi-peaceful (there was a wedding reception going on) night at the Hyatt. It was really nice since I was able to drink wine with my dinner this year, even if we couldn't enjoy the traditional fondue.

Nicko, I love you.

Change

Pre-bloggy pep-talk: change is good.

Ok good so long as it is not the poopy changes going on in Monster's diaper. Eating oatmeal is good. Opening diaper to find poopy so stinky it makes me slightly sick... not so good.

Feel free to shout "TMI" at the computer, just be happy I didn't supply pictures.

Ok, so for the real changes:

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Habits

No, I'm not a druggie, but I am an addict. A soda addict.

The last time I gave up sodas, I turned to coffee as a replacement. The problem is that I wasn't drinking plain 'ol joe- it was white mochas, flavored lattes and chai lattes. So rather than losing weight like I hoped, I ended up gaining. (Working in a cafe when I did this, of course made things worse.) I then turned to drinking non-fat lattes only and lo and behold, I started to lose weight.

This time around I once again turned to chai... only this time I didn't stop drinking sodas. Oops.

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Arms

I know everyone has seen what my arms look like and I'm sure that many wonder what happened. I have keratosis pilaris, but I pick at it. Years of picking at those horrible little bumps has my arm looking like some sort of battlefield.

The 21 Day Plan to Kick my Habits

First off, non-habit: I will start the C25K program and I will do yoga on the off days every day for the next 21 days. If exercising hasn't become some sort of habit by then, it most likely never will.

*

I'm going back to non-fat lattes. I know that with time, I will crave the sugar from soda less.

*

No more picking. This is going to be very hard and I know that the first three days are going to be hell, but studies say that it takes three weeks to break a habit and I really need this one to go away. Not only will I leave the bumps of ugliness alone, I am going to slather on aquaphor every night and moisturize throughout the day- since that is what helps keep them at bay (there is no cure). Once the damage I have inflicted has healed, I may speak to a dermatologist about more invasive treatment.

*

Perhaps I am taking on too much, but I figure these next few weeks are going to suck anyway.

So that's all for this part... part two will be posted as soon as I finish it. (I started it first).

Going Granola (change part 2)

I am, by no means, a crunchy mama, nor do I plan on becoming one. But semi-crunchy is ok. We did not decide to cloth diaper the Monster because of environmental concerns- it was a perk, not motivation. However, the more I read, the more I want to go organic.

Someone once mentioned on babycenter that vinegar can be used as fabric softener and, by doing so, mildewed towels will be a thing of the past. Since I'm married to a man who just tosses his twisted towel over the shower door, I figured this trick was worth a shot. Not only does it get rid of the stink, the towels come out super soft. All of our towels and sheets are now softened (is that the right terminology?) with vinegar. I found a great site online that list all of the various ways that vinegar (alone or mixed with other regular household items) can be used to clean things around the house. Vinegar is now our all-purpose cleaner.

As nice as the site is, I remembered once reading an article in Parents/Parenting magazine (I can't remember which) about a woman who decided to upgrade her housekeeping skills and one of the books she referenced was called Organic Housekeeping. The article is not about becoming a green housekeeper, but a more organized and efficient housekeeper. Since this book is all about doing just that in a way that's safe for everyone living in the house, I figured it was worth looking into (and lord knows that I need help in the organization department.) So far I have learned that I should recycle more and that clutter makes cleaning more tedious. Ok so that (clutter) should be pretty obvious, but I didn't really think about it quite like that. She refers to a hotel roomp-keeper she knows who makes the bed(s), vacuums, and cleans every surface in a suite in just 30 minutes. This is possible because hotel rooms don't have clutter. De-cluttering our house is going to be a huge task, but it will be worth it in the end.

As I read more, I may share little tips... but we'll see.

I do want to go all organic in the food department, but it's expensive. Perhaps once I get a little better at clipping coupons, we'll take the plunge.

Sleep Issues II

You- "you" meaning the invisible friends who read this since I'm quite certain no real person does- may recall the post about starting the Sleep Lady Shuffle from a couple of weeks ago and though I promised to update, I have not.

The Update: we haven't even come close to doing the shuffle.

What I know of the shuffle I've learned from articles in parenting magazines, online summaries, and discussions on community boards. So by "a ton" of research, I meant slight research. After a couple of nights of sitting next to the crib and shushing as the Monster fussed, I realized that I really didn't know anything about the method I was trying to employ and since sleep is so important, I should really figure out what the heck I should really be doing. So I a few days later (payday, if you're wondering why it took me a few days) I bought the Sleep Lady's book. I started reading it last night. I'm only 50 pages in (hey, I have other reading to do for school too) but so far I am glad that we choose to do the shuffle. However, after reading the introduction, I have realized that Monster is not as good of a sleeper as I thought he was. The following information is more for my use than anything else, but if anyone out there is thinking of starting sleep training with their little one maybe this can help them.

So here are the things we need to fix:

• Bedtime needs to be earlier. We've been putting him down at 9 and he should be in bed around 7. He naps sometime around 6 and 7, but when we put him down for the night at that time he wakes up multiple times during the night (we're talking every two hours.)
• He should be able to soothe himself to sleep at the random nighttime waking(s) rather than relying on one of us to stick the paci back in his mouth and soothe him.
• 5:30 is too early to be up for the day. 7am is a much more ideal time.

I kind of like that Nick is able to spend a decent amount of time with the Monster after work. An earlier bedtime is going to this time in half, and on the nights that Nick has to work from home (an often occurrence as of late) that time will be zero. But I know we will all benefit from a good night's rest.

I am overjoyed that this "training" may get the Monster to sleep a little later.

So for the next week, we will be writing down everything the Monster does day and night (i.e: playing, napping, pooping, fussing, etc.- not things like sucking on fingers or farting.) I know the basics of what he does while with me, but I'm sure there are small, yet important, things that I am missing- and we need the play by play from when he's at the g-mas' houses. I know both Nick and I will benefit from looking at it, and the information is needed for sleep training.

**Edit: I have now read everything up to six months (which is when she recommends starting the shuffle).

I am so glad I bought this book. Tomorrow we start for real and I think the main focus is going to be getting Monster to nap longer. According to West, sleep begets sleep. So please my wonderful little Monster, Let mommy and daddy sleep tonight!

Wish us luck!