One Week Down

... fifteen more to go!

It's funny, now that I've experienced 38.5 weeks of pregnancy, 16 week semesters seem like nothing. (I'm sure I won't be saying that in a couple of months though.)

I survived the first week of school, but it wasn't easy. I ended up sleeping for most of yesterday. I think the more I get used to actually using my brain and walking/running between classes, the easier it will get. As much as a pain as it may be, I am kind of glad that my classes are kind of far apart from one another. It feels good to be getting some exercise and this weight isn't going to disappear on it's own. I'm still hoping to go running in the morning before leaving to take the Monster to his g-ma's. Perhaps I will give it a shot tomorrow.

On an unrelated note, I am so excited for Halloween! The monster is going to be dressed up as Timcampy from D.Gray-Man, but Nick and I are still undecided on ourselves. I don't even know if we will be going out for Halloween. Oh well, fall is approaching quickly and the best part is the smell of green chile roasting! There really isn't anything like it. I will greatly miss it when we move (if we ever do).

Creepy Orange Sky of Doom

To quote the facebook status of a friend of mine, "It looks like the apocalypse is occuring outside right now" and she would be absolutely correct. It is rainy and windy. Thunder is rumbling so loudly that the house is shaking and lightning strikes every minute or so. But that's not the creepiest part. The sky is a golden yellow color.

Never in my nearly 25 years of living in the Land of Enchantment have I seen such a sky. It scares me a little and fascinates me even more. Of course BOTH of the camera batteries would be dead and my phone does little justice to the awe-inspiring sight.

In light of such events, I have decided to get over my pity-party. There are so many good and happy things in my life and my blog thus far has not shown that and it's a real shame. So here are somethings that I should share:

• I have a husband who loves me. He is not perfect (and lord knows I'm not either) and yes, he can drive me insane sometimes, but he's mine and I can't even imagine my life without him.
• I have a family who loves and supports me. Though they are all slightly crazy, they are a great bunch of people and I wouldn't be who I am without them.
• I have the most beautiful little boy. He's charming, silly, endlessly entertaining and as Taylor Swift says in her latest single, "the best thing that's ever been mine." And he slept from 9pm to 6am last night.

The Sleep Issue

It's time to mom-up and I'm not excited about it.

Though the Monster's sleep pattern could be much worse, we (Nick, myself and our pediatrician) feel that the Monster is ready to start self-soothing. I've researched, read and than re-read the various methods of getting the babeh to sleep through the night and it came down to The Ferber Method and the Sleep Lady Shuffle. Why were we tied between two almost extremes, you ask? The newer version of the Ferber method is actually a lot gentler than before and, if we stick to it, Monster should be able to self-soothe and sleep better through the night. The "shuffle" is a sort of supervised crying (if it even comes down to crying) rather than crying-it-out, but it takes longer.

You may ask why we even had to think about it, but it really isn't a decision that should be taken lightly. We want it to work and in order to do so, we have to be able to stick with it.

We started the Shuffle last night. Or a variation of the shuffle at least.

Monster still enjoys his pacifier, so rather than quit it cold turkey we're going to ease him off. I'm not entirely sure how, but for now when he cries at night, he gets the pacifier and one of us stays with him until he falls asleep (but no picking him up). Eventually we will go without it, but I want to talk to the pediatrician first on a good way to do it.

***

On another note, I start school tomorrow. Boo. I'm going to miss my little Monster, but I survived a night without him (albeit with a lot of tears) so I think I'll be ok tomorrow. I will update on our sleep progress as the weeks progress.

Separation Anxiety

Monday I go back to school... and I will be there from 9 to 3. I have never been away from my Monster for more than a few hours and the closer the weekend comes, the more anxious I get.

For some crazy reason, I decided to let Monster stay the night at my MIL's house this Friday night. Before people (if there is anyone reading this) jump to conclusions, I absolutely trust Lori with the Monster and the husband and I could really use a nice night to ourselves. But I don't think I'm ready. And I don't know how nice of a night we will have since I'm sure that I will want to just go to bed early after I'm done crying my eyeballs out. However, I can't my mind. Lori and Nick would be super disappointed and, as much as I hate admitting it, I know that I could really use a break.

Sadly, what I really need is an all-day spa treat followed by a nice hotel room.... by myself. It's not that I don't love being with Nick, and it's not that I'm not looking forward to going out to re-kindle some of the spark we've lost, but I really feel that I don't do anything for myself. Yes, I buy myself things, I eat ice cream (much to the dismay of my growing waistline), and I gab with the few friends I have, but I need a real "me day."

I know I have touched upon this already, but it makes me sad that all I wanted to do this summer was finish one stupid painting and I never did... and I doubt I will before Monday. But there is a baby to tend to and a house to keep clean (and I'm barely able to keep up with the most basic cleaning tasks). I wish that I could just say to Nick, "You're watching the baby tonight so I can do something for me," which he has said me a few times (not quite like that though.) It's not that Nick would tell me no (well he would depending on the situation) but I have this fear- perhaps unfounded- that he thinks all I do is sit on my ass all day long while he's out making the money I spend on coffee and such. Heaven knows that I don't, I mean heck, today I was nearly in tears because I decided to nap when Monster was napping instead of clean and I felt so guilty. So asking Nick to give up his personal time (which usually involves some game on his computer) after work so I can paint just isn't going to happen. Yes, I get that I am complaining about not doing something when I have no intention of actually trying. I am a sad, sad person.

I'm going to go look at my sleeping child now. His precious face always cheers me up.

Vaccination Day

Boo.

Monster gets his 4 month boosters today. I hate that he has to get shots, especially shots that are mixed with so many different vaccines. When I really think about it, I wish I would have insisted that we delay, but then I hear about the pertussis epidemic in CA and I am very glad that I am vaccinating on a schedule. I am now planning on getting the Tdap vaccine combo to ensure that the little Monster doesn't get whooping cough from me... and I will probably force the hubs to do the same.

To add to the sadness, I think the Monster may be going through the 4 month old sleep regression. Normally, he goes to bed around 9, wakes sometime between 3 and 4, is back to sleep in 30 minutes, wakes around 5:30, comes in bed with me and will sleep no later than 8:30 (not always, but most of the time) and is then up for the day. Apparently that means he is sleeping through the night, who knew? I am not happy to only get a few hours of straight sleep every night, but it's doable and I am usually able to function the following day. However last night the Monster woke up six times. I'm trying to run off of three terrible hours of sleep. I really hope that this was just a weird night and not the actual regression because if it was, this can continue for weeks (or even months) and with school starting next week, I kind of need my sleep. There are few things that make me feel like a total failure, but bawling my eyes out while I rock the baby and beg him to go to sleep is certainly one of them.

So, today should be fun. I'm hoping that the Monster ends up being more sleepy than fussy today since I'm planning on visiting a friend and her newborn this afternoon, and I would prefer to keep the Monster with me and not dump him on Grandma. What horrible timing. Time for coffee.

Progress

The other day I re-arranged the bedroom furniture... by myself! I is awesome. Our room, which is a pretty good size, now looks even bigger. The headboard is blocking a good chunk of the window, so we're not getting as much natural light, but it creates a new and pleasant ambiance. There is still more work to be done, but I'm pleased with what has been done so far.

Feeling Itchy

Silly me brought home an issue of Do It Yourself magazine and now I have a crazy itch to start decorating my house. It's not all bad since we've been living at this house for 16 months now and, apart from the Monster's amazing nursery, the walls are super bare. The problems with this itch are as follows:

1. Nick and I have very different tastes when it comes to decor. He was kind enough to give me free reign when it came to the nursery, but he's vetoing my ideas for other parts of the house left and right. I am willing to compromise, but I feel like we're living in an almost bachelor pad, and I need that to change. Desperately.

2. Money. I really want us to start setting a budget and sticking to it. Nick and I are both impulsive spenders- he spends a good chunk of money on a few big and often unnecessary things that will not be used very much and I eat away at the money with constant small purchases that don't serve the family as a whole (i.e. coffee). In order to do all of the things that I want to be able to do to the house, we need to be in a place where we're sticking to budget and actually utilizing our savings account, as well as being able to afford little decor items.

3. Time. There never seems to be enough. I'm worried that I'll start this project and end up abandoning it for whatever reason. I'm usually good at following through on something I'm really passionate about, but it's really hard when I'm taking care of the Monster, mostly on my own, all day long and I feel extremely guilty if I use nap-time for myself rather than, say, get some laundry done. Hence the reason why my goal of starting my own etsy shop will never happen. And, of course, with school starting in just a couple of weeks, any second of free-time I have will be gone.

Now I've depressed myself.

I do hope I can do something around here. I want to rearrange the furniture in our bedroom, so maybe I'll cheer up if we ever do it (if I could do it myself, I would.... maybe I should try?)

On that cheery note, I'm off to wash bottles and pray I get some sleep in before the Monster wakes up.

*edit- Nick came out to wash bottles for me. I kind of like him.

The Beginning of a Beautiful Relationship?

The toe-protecting sandals are gone.

The other day (I don't actually remember which day) the wonderful Keens were replaced with a pair of Merrells. Here's what they look like:

I'm still getting used to the back strappy, but they are very comfortable. I hope I continue to like them. I may get another pair of toe-protectors later though. I really did love them.

The End of a Beautiful Relationship

As wonderful as this past weekend was, something very tragic has resulted. I lost my favorite pair of flip-flops. I think they got kicked under the bed in the bridal suite, but the hotel staff haven't seen them.

I am still holding onto a little hope that they will turn up, but I really think they are gone. I will miss them.

Indecision

Before I begin to write about why this post is titled like it is, I want to talk about my weekend.

My little sister got married yesterday. It was a beautiful ce

remony and a fun-filled celebration. Not only was she absolutely beautiful, she handled a self-absorded and absolutely ridiculous bridesmaid and a stressful mother/photographer with a grace I do not posses. And now, all the McDuffie girls are married. One rather good thing about the wedding, though not the best thing, was that I felt very pretty and it has been (what feels like) a very long time since I've felt that.

I bawled like a baby. I didn't even cry when I got married... or when my son was born.

Isn't she pretty?

So onto me:

One of the biggest problems that I have encountered postpartum is that I've lost myself a little bit. I have a hard enough time being a wife and a mother, forget about being just me. I have decided that I need to start doing something just for me every day. I really want to start an etsy shop to sell my paintings. But I haven't found the time to paint. Hopefully I will find the time... and the motivation. I'm also thinking about picking up Scandinavian Needlecraft. Can you guess why? I just need to start taking advantage of Logan's nap time and actually decide what I want to do. Perhaps one day I will.