Separation Anxiety

Monday I go back to school... and I will be there from 9 to 3. I have never been away from my Monster for more than a few hours and the closer the weekend comes, the more anxious I get.

For some crazy reason, I decided to let Monster stay the night at my MIL's house this Friday night. Before people (if there is anyone reading this) jump to conclusions, I absolutely trust Lori with the Monster and the husband and I could really use a nice night to ourselves. But I don't think I'm ready. And I don't know how nice of a night we will have since I'm sure that I will want to just go to bed early after I'm done crying my eyeballs out. However, I can't my mind. Lori and Nick would be super disappointed and, as much as I hate admitting it, I know that I could really use a break.

Sadly, what I really need is an all-day spa treat followed by a nice hotel room.... by myself. It's not that I don't love being with Nick, and it's not that I'm not looking forward to going out to re-kindle some of the spark we've lost, but I really feel that I don't do anything for myself. Yes, I buy myself things, I eat ice cream (much to the dismay of my growing waistline), and I gab with the few friends I have, but I need a real "me day."

I know I have touched upon this already, but it makes me sad that all I wanted to do this summer was finish one stupid painting and I never did... and I doubt I will before Monday. But there is a baby to tend to and a house to keep clean (and I'm barely able to keep up with the most basic cleaning tasks). I wish that I could just say to Nick, "You're watching the baby tonight so I can do something for me," which he has said me a few times (not quite like that though.) It's not that Nick would tell me no (well he would depending on the situation) but I have this fear- perhaps unfounded- that he thinks all I do is sit on my ass all day long while he's out making the money I spend on coffee and such. Heaven knows that I don't, I mean heck, today I was nearly in tears because I decided to nap when Monster was napping instead of clean and I felt so guilty. So asking Nick to give up his personal time (which usually involves some game on his computer) after work so I can paint just isn't going to happen. Yes, I get that I am complaining about not doing something when I have no intention of actually trying. I am a sad, sad person.

I'm going to go look at my sleeping child now. His precious face always cheers me up.