Thankful Thinking

I know that most "I'm thankful for..." post end up being all the same, but I feel that I must share what I am truly thankful for. Like everyone else (well maybe not "everyone" but you get the picture,) I'm thankful for my husband, family, friends, life, food, etc. but one thing in particular really stands out: my Monster.

I am so thankful that I had an OB who wasn't opposed to an overweight gal getting pregnant (like the NP I went to for a very brief period of time,) and that she helped me stay strong as we struggled to diagnose my issue and did all she could to help us get pregnant. I am thankful that once she ran out of resources, she sent us to RSONM. I am thankful that our RE didn't jump to the more extreme (and expensive) procedures, like so many RE like to do, when the first go failed. I am so thankful that the second round took and they caught my low HGC levels early enough to do something to get them up. I am thankful that the pregnancy stuck, the Monster grew right on schedule, and my second OB rocked. I am thankful that the Monster arrived at 38 weeks even though I was at risk for PTL, and he was born complete healthy. I am thankful for an awesome pediatrician, that the Monster got past the SIDS period unscathed and is developing on track.

The past year has been filled with anxiety, disappointment, and heartbreak, but it also had such joy that words will never begin to describe. I know I complain a lot about a lot of different things, but I would not change a thing about my life. Being a mother is the greatest thing in the world and I will never be able to thank those who made this possible enough.

If you don't understand the acronyms, google them.

WWI, You're Depressing Me, Please Stop.

This semester I signed up for a class on WWI- not because I'm really interested in the war, but because there was very little to choose from this year and WWI seems less depressing than the Holocaust class Sarah is taking. Though I still think I made the right choice, I had no idea how depressing WWI really was. And now I have to read Unknown Soldiers which is about three soldiers-- a Brit, German, and American-- who died in the war, but whose bodies were never recovered, how the felt about the possibility of their deaths, how their family found out they were MIA and presumed dead, and how their family and nation mourned them.

I'm definitely going to have to start taking my anti-depressants again.

Work

A couple of weeks ago, one of my former bosses offered me a job (via the facebook, which is kind of funny.) Its just for the holidays and only on days they really need me (and I think I'm on call for most of those). I'm kind of excited to go back, but yet I'm really nervous. There is a part of me that likes retail. There is a bigger part that hates it- I'm no good at signing people up for rewards cards, and even worse at getting them to sign up for credit cards. Also, the last time I worked there I had more self-confidence than I knew what to do with. This time, not so much. I hate the size I've grown to and though I will not be the largest person working there, I won't be one of the thinnest either (like I was the last time.) I also have a haircut from hell (formerly called "not the greatest haircut" but it has now grown to that weird stage, where it's not quite long enough to go back and looks horrible down). Thankfully I don't have to dress-up today, so I'm hoping someone will walk me through what's in style now because I really have no idea. I'm guessing it won't include my awesome Vibram fivefingers, which I'm going to wear today. At least I know that I will have both the coolest shoes and the coolest watch. Ha.

Oh... and I discovered last night that one of the paintings I used for my research paper is considered Renaissance (which is bad since it's for a medieval class) but I don't remember seeing a whole lot of paintings that included panthers, so unless the professor lets me keep it, I will most likely have to find another animal (which will take a lot of time) and the stupid thing is due tomorrow. Bah.

**UPDATE: The professor said I could keep it since it still falls within the time frame of our class. I think I love her... ok not really, but I'm super relieved.**

Ariana Franklin- Damn you!

One of the few good things about working at Borders was that employees could get advanced readers-- copies of new books before they edited for a final time and released for the public-- for free. A few years ago (two or three? I'm not really sure now) I managed to get my hands on a copy of Ariana Franklin's Mistress of the Art of Death (info can be found here.) The book is really good, as are the three that follow it, however, this last one (A Murderous Procession) left me on such a cliffhanger that I want to go find Ariana Franklin and kick her in the shin! How dare you do this to me! And the worse part: I can't find anything that says that a fifth book is in the works.

On that note: I highly recommend this series to everyone! (Especially Sarah.)

My thoughts on the events of November 2, 2010

I don't generally like to talk politics because, one, I don't feel that I have enough information to make any type of statement about politics and be able to defend it (poorly or otherwise) and two, my grandfather was/is a politics nut- but not any nut, a nut who doesn't really know what he's talking about, and I may not know a lot, but I know enough to know that he doesn't really know what he's talking about (confused yet? So am I) and that turned me off on the whole debating thing.

However, in light of recent events, I need to speak my mind but I wanted to do so in an environment where if I offend anyone, the issue can be dealt with in a much more private manner than other environments (i.e. facebook or the SUB) would allow.

I am very disappointed in NM, especially those who are between the ages of 18 and 30. I voted and I think that if you are not comatose, you should vote to. It's you right, yes, but one that is too important to not exercise. Half of Bernalillo county (the most highly populated county in NM) didn't vote on Tuesday and only 11% of NMicans between 18 and 30 voted.* Seriously? Are you really that busy/lazy/indifferent? Ok, I guess I'm not really surprised.

What really rubs me the wrong way is the crazy number of college students I'm friends with on FB and those I don't know, but overheard at school who were complaining about the results but didn't vote themselves. The common thing I've heard- "I hate that people are all-'you have to vote' but when I ask them why they don't have an answer which means that they don't know what they hell they're voting for, so why should I?" (direct quote overheard on the bus yesterday). It really isn't too hard to find out what there is to vote on and you don't even have to turn on your TV and watch those terrible campaign ads. You're just lazy.

So for all those students who are mad because the new governor (who I will not rant about, as much as I would like to since I've chosen to be positive about that situation... even though it is looking like an impossible task) isn't going to do anything for students, I say this:

If you would have voted, more money may have gone to higher education, but because you didn't, Bond D was voted out by mere tenths of a percentage. Yeah that's right, the ballots contain more than just "who do you want to be governor, sheriff, etc.," they contain bonds that affect the things around YOU. So thanks to your lack of interest, something I greatly care about (and you should too) lost out on something really important. That means less hiring of professors, TA's, GA's, clerks, etc.; more people without jobs and, therefore, more people you will be competing against for jobs when that times comes. My education may suffer because of your indifference. Thanks.

At least the GO containing money for libraries passed. Maybe the literacy rate will start to increase and the next generation will be a little smarter than those in mine.

*I'm not 100% on those numbers, so if I am incorrect, I will update accordingly.

15 Authors

I usually don't do these sort of things, but I saw this on the book's face and figured I would give it a go, though I didn't think I could come up with 15 authors even with the crazy amount of books I read. However, once I got going, it was really easy to come up with writers who influenced me in some way (though most of them ended up being historians/scholars). I decided that I wanted to be able to talk about them a little bit, but facebook just isn't the place to do so... and I don't think the little survey thing is intended for explanations.

So here it goes: (these are in no particular order)

1. Bede- (historian)

Bede wrote The Ecclesiastical History of the English People (circa 731 CE), which comes standard in almost any early medieval history class. It's not always the most exciting read, but it was my first real contact with historical non-fiction on medieval England.

2. Snorri Sturluson

Snorri not only has an awesome name, he compiled old Norse legends into what is know as the Prose Edda. The Poetic Edda (author unknown) is a collection of old Norse poems (obviously) about the Norse gods. Snorri's Edda sort of fills in the blanks left by the poems, and includes other legends- like those of Sigurd (yay Sigurd!) Yes, Snorri is responsible for my Viking obsession.

3. Alexander Dumas

My all time favorite book is The Count of Monte Cristo. Though this is a work of fiction, it reflects so much of Napoleonic France- a time period I just happen to love. And lets face it, Edmund Dantes is kind of sexy.

4. Shel Silverstein

Apart from those of the Edda, Silverstein's poems are pretty much the only ones I like. I am having such a blast reading them to my little Monster and I hope that he will read them to his children.

5. Padraic Colum

Ok, so when I first learned about the vikings (learned the truth- not the horn wearing barbarians that people tend to believe- that is) I was more interested in their mythology than the people themselves. In the midst of overwhelming curiosity, I picked up Colum's Nordic Gods and Heroes and instantly fell in love with Odin, Frey, Thor, Loki, and all the rest (except Baldr, I don't really care about him in the same way I don't care for Achilles- come on, killed by mistletoe? Really?) Because of this book I wanted to learn more about the people who worshipped these extraordinary gods, people who believe that all their gods (well, the cool ones at least) were killed in an epic civil war. So I signed up to take an independent study course so that I could find out. I ended up writing my term paper on the different paths the vikings took for trade/raiding/land/exploration and how they influenced the people they encountered. I wish I still had a copy of it. This paper lead me to Snorri Sturluson.

6. Lauren Willig

Author of The Secret History of the Pink Carnation, which I have mentioned before. I love this series. What could be greater than aristocratic espionage during the Napoleonic wars with a lovely dash of chivalry and romance? Miles Dorrinton... and he's in this series! I strongly recommend this book to everyone, whether you're a history nut or not!

7. Roald Dahl

I think Dahl's books were the first real novels I ever read (unless Goosebumps are considered novels... those may have been first then). These books really opened up my imagination... and spurred my love for peaches. I still, to this very moment, hope I can meet a big friendly giant and every time I see pointy toe shoes, I think of toeless witches.

8. Ariana Franklin

Author of The Mistress of the Art of Death, a historical fiction about a female doctor during the reign of Henry II of England (late 12th century). Yes, there is a little bit of romance in this series too, but what I really like about this book is how historically accurate it is and that it shows that the Middle Ages were not "dark" as so many ill-informed people think.

9. James Macpherson

Ok, so he was a lousy historian and lied about the there being documented sources for his Poems of Ossian but the poems themselves are wonderful and, when picked at meticulously, show some rather interesting things about medieval Scottish society that archeologists have unearthed and proved. Even though it is a rather difficult read, and my favorite berserker is portrayed as a wuss, it shows that literature is important in historical study... and reminds me of just how silly the scholarly world can be.

10. Dante

After spending weeks dissecting that blasted Inferno, I hated Dante. But it's crazy just how much his version of hell has impacted me. I think that it's crazy that babies go to anything even remotely close to hell because they aren't baptized, but I have to say that I often worry for my Monster. I may not fully believe in what Dante wrote, but what if he was right? Maybe a few drops of water on my baby's head isn't that big of a deal if it covers the "what if."

11. Toshio Maeda (TMI warning!)

I'm sort of embarrassed to have included him on this list, but I would be lying if I said his work hasn't stuck with me all this time. He is the author and illustrator of the Japanese manga Urotsukidoji. I have not actually read the manga, but I did watch the anime which stripped me of my otaku innocence- this was not only my introduction to hentai (Japanese porn), it also introduced me to the Japanese obsession with tentacles. I am no stranger to the world of pornography, but there is nothing that can ready you for a glowing blue penis or a demon with many phallus shaped tentacles chasing after teenage girls. Through this I somehow came across (I don't remember how now) Bible Black which has scarred me for the rest of my life.

12. Unknown

The problem with being a medievalist is that most manuscripts were written by monks who were not important enough to leave their names, however, many works that have influenced me have unknown authors. Two worth mentioning are Beowulf (the viking obsession continues!) and The Ulster Cycle- primarily for "Bricriu's Feast which discusses my favorite beserker (the one Macpherson made out to be a wimp) Cuchulainn (pronouced coo-cullen, though my professor pronounced it coo coo lain). One day I will write why I love him, and will show a picture I once drew of him in all his berserk glory!

13. Oscar Wilde

For two things The Importance of Being Ernest and The Portrait of Dorian Gray. If you have read either of these, you will understand why I have included Wilde here.

14. Lady Charlotte Guest

Lady Guest compiled the Mabinogion, which is a collection of Welsh legends. The first cycle is "Pwyll, Prince of Dyfed." I have an idea of writing a fiction based off of this particular legend, but I haven't had the time to actually start it. I plan to try to start next summer. Just to show how crazy the Welsh language is, Pwyll is pronounce Pooeelh (but my professor called him Pweeth, so I do too) and Dyfed is pronouced Dove-aed. Crazy right?

15. Goethe

Faust is not, by any means, my favorite book/play, but after Dr. Willby's Damned Heroes class I tend to find faustian bargains in every stinking think I read/watch! I know that Goethe wasn't the first to come up with the Faust myth, but I like his version a little bit better... and I love the old black and white film that was made off of it. Also... Faust makes me think of theses, and even though I hated Willby for being such a hard-ass when it came to a freakin' thesis, I can write one hell of a thesis statement now. Thanks Willby.

16. Charlotte Perkins Gilman (Yes, I'm including a 16th for this blog because I forgot about this one when I did the thing on FB)

I had to read The Yellow Wallpaper five and a half years ago for my Eng.102 class and I will never forget it. It's Gilman's account of her struggle with postpartum depression/psychosis. She was carted off to the country with her husband and newborn because that's what the doctors of her time prescribed for ppd. While there she had horrible hallucinations and it is all quite frightening to read. When a month had gone by since the Monster was born and I was still feeling really down, I remembered this essay. If I had not read it, I may have not gone for help when I did and I don't even want to think of what may have happened if I hadn't. I know I would not have hurt the Monster, but I honestly cannot say the same about myself or Nick.

So that's my list. Maybe one of my very few readers will pick up one of these books and perhaps they will mean something special to you too. And maybe Hope will finally read the Pink Carnation! Serious Ochibi, get on it! Oh, and in case you are wondering, I have not included links (other than for Cuchulainn) because I figure that if you're really curious, you can google.

=)

Why do I do these things to myself?: A mini list

1. I am certified computer-stupid. I keep forgetting there is a "back" button for the interwebs... only on blogger though. I remember it just fine everywhere else. I come one, view my blog(s) to see what I wrote last (no, I can't remember), but then I have no idea how to get back to the bloggy home page since the "dashboard" button isn't displayed when viewing my personal blog. So what do I do? I hit "next blog" and then "dashboard." I just realized now that I could just go back. Sigh.

2. Nick is out of town. I have to say that in light of recent dramatic events, I'm slightly relieved to have this time to myself (and the Monster, of course). I was even looking forward to it. I missed him the second I dropped him off, but I didn't cry like I used to. I had a pretty good Monday. Once night fell though, I was plagued with this incredible guilt because I missed him, but not like I used to. And I said something kind of mean the day before he left... well, I didn't mean for it to be mean, but now I'm kind of worried that he thought it was mean. Sigh again.

I think I used to always be so sad when he left because I knew I wouldn't really get to talk to him. When he's in Seattle, he isn't able to text at work like he usually would here, and Nick is not a phone talker. I think our longest phone conversation in the history of our relationship was a whopping seven minutes. I kid you not.

We talked for maybe five minutes last night, he texted me "Morning" this morning and I haven't heard from since. So now I'm going back and forth between being angry and worried. And the worse part is that I know I'm going to feel guilty tonight for being mad and then the whole cycle is going to start over tomorrow.

3. After approximately three months (it's been at least a couple) I have finally finished re-reading the Seduction of the Crimson Rose. It is the fourth book of the Pink Carnation series and since two new books are coming out this winter, I wanted to re-read the existing ones... this summer. I started the Sookie Stackhouse books (amazing btw) after book 2 of PC, which meant I only had time to get in the third before school started. I was still trying to read Crimson Rose here and there, but I never got in more than ten pages at a time (I partially blame the Hunger Games for that though.) It really is a good book though, not my favorite of the series (that would be the Masque of the Black Tulip... I love Miles!), but good nonetheless. Well I finished it! Yay! But boo..... I started the Temptation of the Night Jasmine today, telling myself that I would only read it once I got into bed since I have a lot of reading to do for school this week. I'm now 133 pages into it and I haven't even looked at my school books (I did read the notes from Monday that Sarah scanned for me... thanks Sarah!)

I fail, and with that... onto more of the adventures of Charlotte and Robert!!!

Wait... I mean WWI!

Crap.